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Author Previous Topic: Basswood Corner Posts? Topic Next Topic: Monday morning Lounge 6/5/2017
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Frank Palmer
Fireman



Posted - 02/26/2013 :  7:33:11 PM  Show Profile  Visit Frank Palmer's Homepage  Reply with Quote
If only that was possible in the States. We're not allowed to tell the truth.


Country: USA | Posts: 3979 Go to Top of Page

Rick
Administrator

Premium Member


Posted - 02/27/2013 :  12:07:09 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Joe wanted to buy a motorcycle. He doesn't have much
luck, until one day, he comes across a Harley with a 'for
sale' sign on it.

The bike seems even better than a new one, although
it is 10 years old. It's shiny and in absolute mint condition.
He immediately buys it and asks the seller how he kept it
in such great condition for 10 years.

'Well, it's quite simple really, says the seller, 'Whenever
the bike is outside and it's gonna rain, rub Vaseline on
the chrome. It protects it from the rain.' (true story)
And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.

That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet
her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there.

But just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him
and says, 'I have to tell you something about my family
before we go in.'
'When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person
who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes.'
'No problem,' he says. And in they go.

Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living
room is a huge stack of dirty dishes.

In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up
on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks. Dirty
dishes.

They sit down to dinner, and sure enough, no one says
a word.

As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage
of the situation.

So he leans over and kisses Sandra.
No one says a word.
So he reaches over and fondles her breasts.

Still, nobody says a word. So he stands up, grabs her,
rips her clothes off, throws her on the table and does it,
right there in front of her parents.

His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously
livid and her mom horrified when he sits back down,
but no one says a word.

He looks at her mom.
'She's got a great body,' he thinks.
So he grabs the mom and does the same thing right
there on the dinner table.
After that, he sits down again.

Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, the
Mom is pleasantly beaming. But still.... Total silence.

All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it
starts to rain.

Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline
from his pocket.

Suddenly the father shouted. 'I'll do the dishes!!'


As you think, so will you be.

Country: USA | Posts: 21490 Go to Top of Page

Pennman
Fireman

Premium Member


Posted - 02/27/2013 :  12:59:19 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Goog one, Rick!

Rich



Country: USA | Posts: 2670 Go to Top of Page

Rick
Administrator

Premium Member


Posted - 02/27/2013 :  2:43:13 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
There have been a few different videos posted about the H0 Miniatur Wunderland in Hamburg, Germany.
This is a video that I haven't seen before.
It shows how the layout was built.
Sorry, but it's narrated in German, but still interesting to watch.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XsfN01LbAhc


As you think, so will you be.

Country: USA | Posts: 21490 Go to Top of Page

Rick
Administrator

Premium Member


Posted - 03/02/2013 :  2:04:48 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
A little boy was sitting on the footpath with a bottle of turpentine.

He was shaking it up and watching all the bubbles.

A Priest came along and asked the little boy what he had.

The little boy said, 'This is the most powerful liquid in the world; it's called turpentine.'

The Priest said, 'No, the most powerful liquid in the world is Holy Water.
If you rub it on a pregnant woman's belly, she'll pass a healthy baby.'

The little boy replied, 'If you rub turpentine on a cat's ass, he'll pass a Harley Davidson!'


As you think, so will you be.

Country: USA | Posts: 21490 Go to Top of Page

mwbpequod
Fireman



Posted - 03/02/2013 :  3:19:00 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Food for thought...

Jasmine was in a relationship with a dirty homeless boy named Aladdin. Snow White lived alone with seven men. Pinocchio was a liar. Robin Hood was a thief. Tarzan walked around with no clothes on. A strange kissed Sleeping Beauty and she married him. Cinderella lied and snuck out at night to attend a party. Dorothy arrived alone in the strange land, killed the first person she met, and teamed up with 3 strangers to kill againÖ.



___________________________________________________________________
After the first glass, you see things as you wish they were.
After the second, you see things as they are not.
Finally, you see things as they really are, and that is the most horrible thing in the world.

Country: USA | Posts: 1538 Go to Top of Page

deemery
Fireman

Premium Member


Posted - 03/02/2013 :  9:12:31 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
From a friend:
---
On the way home from the gun store, I stopped at the gas station to fill up.

There was this drop dead gorgeous blonde filling her car at the next pump. She glanced over, looked at the ammo in the back of my car and said in a very sexy voice, "I'm a big believer in the barter system, big boy. Would you be interested in a trade of sex for ammo?"

I thought it over for a few seconds and responded...

"Well, just what kind of ammo have you got?"
---
dave


Modeling 1890s (because the voices in my head told me to)

Country: USA | Posts: 6490 Go to Top of Page

teaspoon
Fireman

Premium Member

Posted - 03/02/2013 :  9:43:15 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Trust us! You want to read this story...

As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauperís cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didnít stop for directions.

I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.

I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didnít know what else to do, so I started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like Iíve never played before for this homeless man.

And as I played ĎAmazing Grace,í the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.

As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, ďI never seen nothiní like that before and Iíve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.Ē

Apparently, Iím still lostÖ Itís a man thing.



Country: USA | Posts: 1071 Go to Top of Page

mwbpequod
Fireman



Posted - 03/03/2013 :  12:09:59 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
An elderly Italian gardener lived alone in New Jersey. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was very hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son explaining his predicament.

Dear Vincent, I am feeling pretty sad this year because it looks like I wonít be able to plant my tomato garden this year. Iím just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know that you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days. Love, Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Papa, Donít dig up that garden. Thatís where the bodies are buried. Love, Vinnie

At 4 am the next morning, the FBI agents and the local police arrived and dug up the whole garden area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. A day later, the old man got another letter from his son.

Dear Papa, Go ahead and plant your tomatoes now. That was the best I could do under the circumstances. Love you, Vinnie


___________________________________________________________________
After the first glass, you see things as you wish they were.
After the second, you see things as they are not.
Finally, you see things as they really are, and that is the most horrible thing in the world.

Country: USA | Posts: 1538 Go to Top of Page

Rick
Administrator

Premium Member


Posted - 03/05/2013 :  8:51:07 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
If you thought big bristleworms were scary - http://www.advancedaquarist.com/blog/if-you-thought-big-bristleworms-were-scary

Make sure you watch the video.


As you think, so will you be.

Country: USA | Posts: 21490 Go to Top of Page

anubis51
Fireman



Posted - 03/05/2013 :  9:49:43 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Hey Rick!

Looks and acts just like my ex-missus, on my pay day!!!


John




Time is the Gauge of Existence

Country: Australia | Posts: 1320 Go to Top of Page

Ensign
Fireman

Posted - 03/07/2013 :  11:53:48 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Why iphones are a wee bit of a pain in the arse to use Scotland.
"Warning" some words you can understand in this clip might be offensive to some.

http://youtu.be/SGxKhUuZ0Rc

Greg Shinnie



Country: Canada | Posts: 7231 Go to Top of Page

deemery
Fireman

Premium Member


Posted - 03/07/2013 :  2:00:04 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Rick

If you thought big bristleworms were scary - http://www.advancedaquarist.com/blog/if-you-thought-big-bristleworms-were-scary

Make sure you watch the video.

"You may have a bobbit in your tank." That could be Very Painful. Remember this couple: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_and_Lorena_Bobbitt ?

dave


Modeling 1890s (because the voices in my head told me to)

Country: USA | Posts: 6490 Go to Top of Page

hunter48820
Fireman

Premium Member


Posted - 03/11/2013 :  8:50:57 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Hi All,
I came across this interesting (almost) hour long video (Mega Structures Breakdown) of a teardown of a GP9 (CN) and rebuilding it into a Genset loco. Thought you may enjoy it!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ACjJnrn1lc



Look out for #1, but don't step in #2!

Andy Keeney
Dewitt, MI

Country: USA | Posts: 6117 Go to Top of Page

hunter48820
Fireman

Premium Member


Posted - 03/12/2013 :  3:08:05 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Hi All,
Supposedly a true story!!

Subject: The Chicken gun.

The true story of the Chicken Gun Too funny not to share! Sometimes it does take a rocket scientist!

Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch standard 4 pound dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.

British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the British engineers.

When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's back-rest in two, and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow.

The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the U.S scientists for suggestions.

NASA responded with a one-line memo --


"Defrost the chicken." (True Story)



Look out for #1, but don't step in #2!

Andy Keeney
Dewitt, MI

Country: USA | Posts: 6117 Go to Top of Page
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