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Author Previous Topic: Basswood Corner Posts? Topic Next Topic: Monday morning Lounge 6/5/2017
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nhguy
Fireman



Posted - 03/05/2014 :  7:28:08 PM  Show Profile  Visit nhguy's Homepage  Send nhguy a Yahoo! Message  Reply with Quote
Two guys were drinking in a bar.


One said, "Did you know that elks have sex 10 to 15 times a day?"

"Aw, crap...." said his friend, "and I just joined the Knights of Columbus!”


Bill Shanaman
New Haven RR
Hartford Division
in Colorado.

Edited by - nhguy on 03/06/2014 02:09:14 AM

Country: USA | Posts: 4763 Go to Top of Page

Rick
Administrator

Premium Member


Posted - 03/07/2014 :  1:10:08 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of beer. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona, the other is in Colorado. When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my two brothers and one for myself."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."
The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.
"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church, and I had to quit drinking."
"Hasn't affected my brothers though."


As you think, so will you be.

Country: USA | Posts: 21490 Go to Top of Page

nhguy
Fireman



Posted - 03/10/2014 :  1:12:46 PM  Show Profile  Visit nhguy's Homepage  Send nhguy a Yahoo! Message  Reply with Quote
One of my favorite comedians while growing up. The genius of Johnathan Winters. "The Stick" on Jack Paar http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wwWDa1xPTPA


Bill Shanaman
New Haven RR
Hartford Division
in Colorado.

Country: USA | Posts: 4763 Go to Top of Page

Rick
Administrator

Premium Member


Posted - 03/11/2014 :  5:01:11 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Cooper Loves Ice Cream - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tHvExOg4NI0

As you think, so will you be.

Country: USA | Posts: 21490 Go to Top of Page

deemery
Fireman

Premium Member


Posted - 03/11/2014 :  5:54:35 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Rick

Cooper Loves Ice Cream - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tHvExOg4NI0


So does Jersey, she gets ice cream after every vet oncologist visit.

dave


Modeling 1890s (because the voices in my head told me to)

Country: USA | Posts: 6491 Go to Top of Page

snarlman
Fireman



Posted - 03/12/2014 :  10:11:12 PM  Show Profile  Send snarlman an AOL message  Reply with Quote
During a recent password audit by my company, it was found that an employee was fusing the following password:

"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyDueyLouieDonaldGoofySacramento"

When asked why she had such a long password, she rolled her eyes and said: "Hello! it has to be at least eight characters and contain at least one capitol."



~Jeff

Country: USA | Posts: 1442 Go to Top of Page

Rick
Administrator

Premium Member


Posted - 03/14/2014 :  09:57:04 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday & the priest almost fell down when he saw him. He'd never been to church in his life.

After Mass, the priest caught up with him & said, "Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?"

Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father, a while back, I misplaced me hat & I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like mine & I knew he came to church every Sunday. I also knew that he had to take off his hat during Mass & figured he would leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to leave after Communion & steal McGlynn's hat."

The priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn't steal McGlynn's hat. What changed your mind?"

Murphy replied, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat after all."

With a tear in his eye, the priest gave Murphy a big smile & said; "After I talked about ' Thou Shalt Not Steal' ya decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in Hell?"

Murphy slowly shook his head."No, Father, after ya talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery, ' I remembered where I left me hat."


As you think, so will you be.

Country: USA | Posts: 21490 Go to Top of Page

Ray Dunakin
Fireman



Posted - 03/14/2014 :  10:15:04 PM  Show Profile  Visit Ray Dunakin's Homepage  Reply with Quote
Sven’s down at the feed store and runs across Ole.
Sven says, "Ole, good to see you! How’ve you been?”

“Fine.”

“And what about your wife, I haven’t seen her in awhile. How’s she doing, Ole?”

“Fine.”

Sven says, “I heard you bought her a piano, didn’t you? That must be real fine. How’d she like it?”

Ole answers, “Fine. But I sold the piano and bought her a clarinet instead.”

“A clarinet? Why would you give her a clarinet instead of a piano?”

Ole glares at Sven a bit, then says, “Because with a clarinet, she can’t sing!”




Country: USA | Posts: 3065 Go to Top of Page

railphotog
Fireman



Posted - 03/15/2014 :  06:58:26 AM  Show Profile  Visit railphotog's Homepage  Reply with Quote







Bob Boudreau
My model railroad photography website:
http://sites.google.com/site/railphotog/

Country: Canada | Posts: 4019 Go to Top of Page

jaynjay
Fireman

Premium Member


Posted - 03/17/2014 :  4:07:28 PM  Show Profile  Visit jaynjay's Homepage  Reply with Quote
The only cow in a small town in Texas stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found they could buy a super milk cow up in Antigo, Wisconsin, for $2,000.00. They bought the cow from Wisconsin and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were pleased and very happy.

They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again. They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest.

The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do. They told the Vet what was happening. "Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she walks away to the other side."

The Vet thinks about this for a minute and asked, "Did you buy this cow in Wisconsin?" The people were dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned where they bought the cow. "You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow in Wisconsin?" The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, "My wife is from Wisconsin."


John

Country: USA | Posts: 5558 Go to Top of Page

Pennman
Fireman

Premium Member


Posted - 03/24/2014 :  9:31:47 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Ok, here's one for you...




I'm still scratching my head!

Rich



Country: USA | Posts: 2670 Go to Top of Page

mabloodhound
Fireman



Posted - 03/25/2014 :  09:17:01 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
And they stole from medicare to pay for the program, leaving the senior citizens with less coverage when they needed it the most.

Dave Mason
D&G RR (Dunstead & Granford) in On30
“Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety.”~Benjamin Franklin
The 2nd Amendment, America’s 1st Homeland Security

Country: USA | Posts: 6565 Go to Top of Page

R.BOUDREAUX
Fireman



Posted - 03/25/2014 :  12:06:13 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Pennman

Ok, here's one for you...




I'm still scratching my head!

Rich



Rich,

This is NOT funny. It is the damned truth.

Rich



Country: USA | Posts: 1588 Go to Top of Page

Rick
Administrator

Premium Member


Posted - 03/25/2014 :  7:14:36 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Drywall Art Sculpture - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CV4mxN8MLz0

As you think, so will you be.

Country: USA | Posts: 21490 Go to Top of Page

deemery
Fireman

Premium Member


Posted - 04/11/2014 :  3:51:01 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
If car repairs were billed like health care:

You'd take your car in. You'd be told "your frammistans are discombobulated' but you would NOT get an estimate for the repairs. It comes back and it's fixed. No, you don't get an itemized bill, so don't ask for one.

Then the bills would roll in. One from the garage for the space, the lift, etc, '$100 service fee + $25 for shop supplies, rags, etc.' A second from the mechanic that worked on your car, '3 hours at $50/hour'. A third from his buddy, who was called in to help, '1 hour at $55/hour'. There' would be a bill from Mobil for the oil ('4 quarts@$4.00 per', and a bill from the oil removal/recovery service '$12.50'. A couple months after, you'd get a bill from the auto parts store for "3 frammistans and a widget, $575." And of course, you'd have no option for examining the old parts to verify they were actually broken. And no one would be able to tell you why you needed the widget, too.

dave


Modeling 1890s (because the voices in my head told me to)

Country: USA | Posts: 6491 Go to Top of Page
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