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Author Previous Topic: Thursday Topic Next Topic: Wednesday 3.15.15 later lounge
Page: of 43

railphotog
Fireman



Posted - 10/21/2013 :  6:31:43 PM  Show Profile  Visit railphotog's Homepage  Reply with Quote






Bob Boudreau
My model railroad photography website:
http://sites.google.com/site/railphotog/

Country: Canada | Posts: 3975 Go to Top of Page

Rick
Administrator

Premium Member


Posted - 10/21/2013 :  11:43:41 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store.
The store clerk called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor.

The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.
He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital. A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment.

"Do you have health insurance?" she asked.
He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."

The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?"
He replied, "No money in the bank."

Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?" asked the irritated nun.
He said, "I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun."

The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."
The patient replied, "Good. Send the bill to my brother-in-law."


As you think, so will you be.

Country: USA | Posts: 21451 Go to Top of Page

mabloodhound
Fireman



Posted - 10/22/2013 :  08:08:09 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=Uv2fVaHSISw


Dave Mason
D&G RR (Dunstead & Granford) in On30
“Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety.”~Benjamin Franklin
The 2nd Amendment, America’s 1st Homeland Security

Country: USA | Posts: 6517 Go to Top of Page

EM-1
Engine Wiper



Posted - 10/23/2013 :  01:48:43 AM  Show Profile  Visit EM-1's Homepage  Send EM-1 a Yahoo! Message  Reply with Quote
Age Pains Alphabetically:

Now:
A's for arthritis;
B's the bad back,
C is the chest pains, perhaps cardiac?

D is for dental decay and decline,
E is for eyesight--can't read that top line!
F is for fissures and water retention
G is for gas, which I'd rather not mention.

H is high blood pressure--I'd prefer low;
I for incisions with scars you can show.
J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend,
K is for knees that crack when they bend.

L is lost hearing--now what did you say?
M is memory lapses occurring all day.
N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;
O is for Osteo, the bones that don't grow!

P for prescriptions, I have quite a few; Just give me a pill and I'll be good as new!
Q is for queasy. Is it fatal or flu?
R is for reflux--one meal turns to two.
S for sleepless nights, counting my fears,
T for tinnitus; there are bells in my ears!

U is for urinary; big troubles with flow;
V is for vertigo--that's "dizzy," you know.
W is for worry. NOW what's going 'round?
X is for x-ray and what might be found.

Y is another year I'm left here behind,
Z is for zest that I still have--in my mind.

I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed,
and I've kept twenty-six doctors fully employed



Country: USA | Posts: 343 Go to Top of Page

EM-1
Engine Wiper



Posted - 10/23/2013 :  01:52:53 AM  Show Profile  Visit EM-1's Homepage  Send EM-1 a Yahoo! Message  Reply with Quote
I HOPE This appropriate....

WHO IS JACK SCHITT?

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!'

Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

NOW when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them.

Sincerely,
Crock O. Schitt - Great Grandfather


Just to funny not to post!!!



Country: USA | Posts: 343 Go to Top of Page

railphotog
Fireman



Posted - 10/23/2013 :  09:04:47 AM  Show Profile  Visit railphotog's Homepage  Reply with Quote








Bob Boudreau
My model railroad photography website:
http://sites.google.com/site/railphotog/

Country: Canada | Posts: 3975 Go to Top of Page

Rick
Administrator

Premium Member


Posted - 10/23/2013 :  09:15:58 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Grandma is 88 years old and still drives her own car. She writes:
Dear Grand-daughter,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker ..
I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.
Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed.

It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed.
I found that lots of people love Jesus!
While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'For the love of God!'
'Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'
(What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!)
Everyone started honking!
I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.
I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!
There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a 'sunny beach'.

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.
I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.
He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.
Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.
My grandson burst out laughing.

(he was enjoying this religious experience!!)

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.
I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.
So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection.

I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.

So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!

Will write again soon,

Love, Grandma


As you think, so will you be.

Country: USA | Posts: 21451 Go to Top of Page

anubis51
Fireman



Posted - 10/23/2013 :  4:04:08 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were having an argument.

Apparently, Minnie thought that Mickey had been spreading malicious rumours about her.

So Mickey fronted her, and tried to explain:

"Look" he squeaked, "I NEVER said that you were screwing my best friend! All I said was that you were f*cking Goofy!"





Sorry.

John




Time is the Gauge of Existence

Country: Australia | Posts: 1299 Go to Top of Page

EM-1
Engine Wiper



Posted - 10/23/2013 :  4:49:42 PM  Show Profile  Visit EM-1's Homepage  Send EM-1 a Yahoo! Message  Reply with Quote
quote:
Originally posted by anubis51

Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were having an argument.

Apparently, Minnie thought that Mickey had been spreading malicious rumours about her.

So Mickey fronted her, and tried to explain:

"Look" he squeaked, "I NEVER said that you were screwing my best friend! All I said was that you were f*cking Goofy!"





Sorry.

John






LMAOROTF!



Country: USA | Posts: 343 Go to Top of Page

Rick
Administrator

Premium Member


Posted - 10/26/2013 :  12:09:21 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
A woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen by one of the younger doctors.
After about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming as she ran down the hall.
An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story.
After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room.
The older doctor marched down the hallway, back to where the young doctor was writing on his clipboard. "What is the matter with you?!" the older doctor demanded.
"Mrs. Terry is 71 years old, has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"
The younger doctor continued writing and without looking up said,
"Does she still have the hiccups?"


As you think, so will you be.

Country: USA | Posts: 21451 Go to Top of Page

teaspoon
Fireman

Premium Member

Posted - 10/28/2013 :  11:02:30 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.
Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mothers pain to the baby's father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. they were both very much in favor of it.
The doctor set the pain transfer to 10%, for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain the father had ever experienced before. However, as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and "kick it up a notch."
The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husbands blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing at this point, they decided to try for 50%. the husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby boy with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, the mail man was dead on the porch.



Country: USA | Posts: 1070 Go to Top of Page

Rick
Administrator

Premium Member


Posted - 10/30/2013 :  1:10:03 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.
He decides to test it out at dinner one night.
The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.
The son says, "I did some schoolwork."
The robot slaps the son.
The son says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies."
Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?"
Son says, "Toy Story."
The robot slaps the son.
Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching porn."
Dad says,"What? At your age I didn't even know what porn was."
The robot slaps the father.
Mom laughs and says,"Well, he certainly is your son."
The robot slaps the mother.

Robot for sale.


As you think, so will you be.

Country: USA | Posts: 21451 Go to Top of Page

CieloVistaRy
Fireman



Posted - 10/30/2013 :  7:11:06 PM  Show Profile  Send CieloVistaRy an AOL message  Reply with Quote
Rick, that was a pretty funny one!

Arthur

http://www.railroad-line.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=40645

Country: USA | Posts: 5831 Go to Top of Page

mabloodhound
Fireman



Posted - 10/31/2013 :  10:33:57 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
An attractive blonde from Cork , Ireland , arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm
completely nude." with that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed. "Yes! Yes! I won, I won!" She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."

MORAL OF THE STORY
Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb, .. but all men...are men!


Dave Mason
D&G RR (Dunstead & Granford) in On30
“Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety.”~Benjamin Franklin
The 2nd Amendment, America’s 1st Homeland Security

Country: USA | Posts: 6517 Go to Top of Page

teaspoon
Fireman

Premium Member

Posted - 10/31/2013 :  12:28:58 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
How come PETA never investigated what Prince was doing to make all those doves cry?


Country: USA | Posts: 1070 Go to Top of Page
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