This ones short but true.My wife and I were at Disneyland about 10 years ago and we were sitting at the plaza waiting for Three Dog Night to perform.The gentleman in front of us had his six or seven year old daughter sitting with him.She turned to her dad and asked,"daddy whats a three dog night?" My wife and I suddenly felt older that day and have been growing older ever since.I can`t even ride the Matterhorn anymore! Jerry

horailfan

Q: How much wood would a Wood Chuck chuck if a Wood Chuck could chuck wood?

A: A Wood Chuck would chuck all the wood a Wood Chuck could chuck if a Wood Chuck could chuck wood.

Try saying that fast! My kids love it!

Have fun,

Joel

Jerry, You are old!!

Anonymous

Old Fart

I fell down and can`t get up! Someone has to get the beer for me.

horailfan

An engineer dies and reports to hell. Pretty soon, the engineer becomes dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer: "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies: "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies: "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake - he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan says: "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says: "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers: "Yeah, right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"


Modeling the NYC railroad

(Not Yet Completed Railroad)



Phil

Good one Phil

Russ

Moss Lake Lumber Co.

of course I'm just a little partial to this one since I'm an Engineer.

Modeling the NYC railroad

(Not Yet Completed Railroad)



Phil

THE PRICE OF A BRAIN

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news" he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It is an experimental procedure, semi-risky and you will have to pay for the brain yourselves."

The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a

great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?" The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a male brain and $200 for a female brain."

The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile,

avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more?"

The doctor smiled at the childish innocence, and said, "It is just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains because they've actually been used."

Modeling the NYC railroad

(Not Yet Completed Railroad)



Phil

This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson

University. It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it.

It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding, at the

reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the

crowd.

He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride's family and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception.

As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him. So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair, including the wedding party, was a manila envelope. He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their envelope.

Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man.

The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a

private detective to tail them. After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said, "F--- you!"

He turned to his bride and said, "F--- you!"

Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, "I'm outta here."

He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning. While most people would have canceled the wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were wrong.

His revenge?

Making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a 300 guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of 300 friends and family members. This guy has balls the size of church bells.

This can be a set up for the perfect MasterCard "priceless commercial" :

Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and

friends........................................... $32,000.

Wedding photographs commemorating the occasion

.................................................. .$3,000.

Deluxe two week honeymoon accommodations in

Maui.............................................. .$8,500.

The look on everyone's face when they see the 8x10 glossy of the bride

humping the best man.........priceless.

Modeling the NYC railroad

(Not Yet Completed Railroad)



Phil

What's black and brown and looks good on a lawyer ?

A Doberman.

I made this one up myself,how do you get a good lawyer? LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL. Jerry

horailfan

You know what you have when you have 1000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A pretty good start!

Dave Koch

THE SILENT TREATMENT

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week, the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight to Chicago. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (AND LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM.

The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."


Dave Koch

Just had Jacinta, my 3yo daughter come in looking for the cat. She had a cricket bat (similar to a baseball bat but with a flat side) on her shoulder. Don't know whats going on but there could be trouble.

Russ

Moss Lake Lumber Co.