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Author Previous Topic: Basswood Corner Posts? Topic Next Topic: Monday morning Lounge 6/5/2017
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Rick
Administrator

Premium Member


Posted - 03/20/2013 :  4:01:00 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
My dad worked on the road dept. for twenty years before he got fired for stealing!

At first I didn't believe it... but when I got home all the signs were there.


As you think, so will you be.

Country: USA | Posts: 21483 Go to Top of Page

Rick
Administrator

Premium Member


Posted - 03/21/2013 :  10:42:27 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote

A farmer named Paddy had a car accident. He was hit by a truck owned by the Eversweet Company.

In court, the Eversweet Company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Paddy:
'Didn't you say to the police at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?' asked the solicitor.

Paddy responded: 'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I'd just loaded my fav'rit cow, Bessie, into da... '

'I didn't ask for any details', the solicitor interrupted. 'Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?'

Paddy said, 'Well, I'd just got Bessie into da trailer and I was drivin' down da road.... '

The solicitor interrupted again and said: 'Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.'

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Paddy's answer and said to the solicitor: 'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie'.

Paddy thanked the Judge and proceeded: 'Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my fav'rit cow, into de trailer and was drivin' her down de road when this huge Eversweet truck and trailer came tundering tru a stop sign and hit me trailer right in da side. I was trown into one ditch and Bessie was trown into da udder. By Jaysus I was hurt, very bad like, and didn't want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moanin' and groanin'. I knew she was in terrible pain just by her groans.
Shortly after da accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moanin' and groanin' too, so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.

Den da policeman came across de road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said: 'How are you feelin'?'

'Now wot da fock would you say?'


As you think, so will you be.

Country: USA | Posts: 21483 Go to Top of Page

Rick
Administrator

Premium Member


Posted - 03/24/2013 :  02:17:46 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
A guy gets pulled over by the State Police. The officer walks up to the window and says "Sir, do you realize you were doing 75 in a 65?"

The guy replies "No, sir. I wasn't doing one mph over 65." To which his wife leans over and yells "he was actually doing 80. I told him to slow down. He drives like a maniac all the time."

The officer says "well Sir, actually the reason I pulled you over is that your tail light is out."

To which the guy replies, "I was not aware of that. I will get it fixed right away." His wife leans over an yells, "he's lying, it's been broken for three months. I told him to fix it. Does he listen to me? No....."

The guy gets pissed off and turns to his wife and says "shut up. sit there and don't say another word. All you do is get me in trouble. Now sit there, and keep your God damn mouth shut!"

The officer says "mam... I'm sorry. Does he always talk to you that way?" To which she sniffles and says, "No.... Only when he's drunk."


As you think, so will you be.

Country: USA | Posts: 21483 Go to Top of Page

mwbpequod
Fireman



Posted - 03/24/2013 :  10:53:24 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
A father asked his ten year old if he knew about the birds and the bees.

“I don’t want to know,” the child cried as he burst into tears. “Promise you won’t tell me!”

Confused, the Father asked what was wrong.

The boy sobbed, “When I was six, I got the ‘There’s no Easter Bunny’ speech.

At seven, I got the ‘There’s no Tooth Fairy’ speech. When I was eight, you hit me with the ‘There’s no Santa Claus’ speech.

If you’re going to tell me that grown-ups don’t really get laid, I’ll have nothing to live for!”


___________________________________________________________________
After the first glass, you see things as you wish they were.
After the second, you see things as they are not.
Finally, you see things as they really are, and that is the most horrible thing in the world.

Country: USA | Posts: 1495 Go to Top of Page

Rick
Administrator

Premium Member


Posted - 03/25/2013 :  4:25:41 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
A man invited a buddy back home for dinner.

When they get home, his wife, upset at not being notified begins
yelling at him.......

"I haven't done my hair, not to mention my make up!!.......
I haven't done any cleanup, let alone the dishes!!!......
Besides, I'm not interested in doing any cooking!!!!.......

Why the Hell did you invite him?"

The man replies......

" 'Cause he's thinking of getting married."


As you think, so will you be.

Country: USA | Posts: 21483 Go to Top of Page

Rick
Administrator

Premium Member


Posted - 03/25/2013 :  4:43:37 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
A soldier's eye: rediscovered pictures from Vietnam - http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2013/03/a_soldiers_eye_rediscovered_pi.html#sthash.i3nWJ0RC.dpuf

Charlie Haughey was drafted into the US Army in October of 1967. He was 24, and had been in college in Michigan before running out of money and quitting school to work in a sheet metal factory. The draft notice meant that he was to serve a tour of duty in Vietnam, designated a rifleman, the basic field position in the Army. After 63 days in Vietnam, he was made a photographer, shooting photographs for the Army and US newspapers, with these instructions from the Colonel: “You are not a combat photographer. This is a morale operation. If I see pictures of my guys in papers, doing their jobs with honor, then you can do what you like in Vietnam.” He shot nearly 2,000 images between March 1968 and May 1969 before taking the negatives home. And there they sat, out of sight, but not out of mind, for 45 years, until a chance meeting brought them out of dormancy and into a digital scanner. At first, it was very difficult for Haughey to view the images and talk about them, especially not knowing the fates of many of the subjects of his photos. When the digitization hit 1,700 negative scans, Haughey put them on a slideshow and viewed them all at once, and didn’t sleep for three days after. He’s slowly getting better at dealing with the emotional impact of seeing the images for the first time in decades. A team of volunteers has worked with Haughey to plan a 28-image show, titled A Weather Walked In, which opens April 5th in the ADX art gallery in Portland, Oregon. The difficulty of keeping notes in a war zone along with the passage of decades has faded the details behind many of the images, and the captions reflect this fact, with many shots of unknown people in forgotten locations at unspecified times. It is hoped that publication of the pictures can yield more information. More images from the collection will be released as the project progresses. You can follow the progress on facebook and Tumblr. Thanks to Chieu Hoi project volunteer Kris Regentin for preparing much of this introduction and the accompanying captions.


As you think, so will you be.

Country: USA | Posts: 21483 Go to Top of Page

Rick
Administrator

Premium Member


Posted - 03/26/2013 :  5:14:19 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6."

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.

The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had avocados."



(If you're a woman, I'm sure you're going back to read it again!

Men will get it the first time.)


As you think, so will you be.

Country: USA | Posts: 21483 Go to Top of Page

teaspoon
Fireman

Premium Member

Posted - 03/26/2013 :  6:21:28 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
A CAJUN FAMILY TREE

His dizzy Aunt -Vertie Geaux
The brother who loved prunes -Gotta Geaux
The brother with constipation problems -No Geaux
The cousin who worked at a convenience store-Stop n Geaux
The grandfather from Yugoslavia -U Geaux
The nephew from Illinois -She Car Geaux
His magician uncle -Where Diddy Geaux
His Mexican cousin -A Me Geaux
The Mexican cousin's American sister -Gring Geaux
The nephew who drove an armored car -Loomis Far Geaux
The uncle serving time in Angola -Lemme Geaux
The ballroom dancer -Tang Geaux
The bird-lover uncle -Flo Ming Geaux
His over confident nephew -E Geaux
The fruit-loving cousin -Mang Geaux
An aunt who's an optimist -Way To Geaux
The bouncy little nephew -Poe Geaux
A sister who loved disco -Go Geaux
The neice who had an oversized van -Winnie Bay Geaux
The Italian grandmother -Day Geaux
(And there you Geaux!)



Country: USA | Posts: 1071 Go to Top of Page

Geezer
Engineer

Premium Member


Posted - 03/28/2013 :  11:01:46 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Harry & Abbey Visit the New Pope in Italy while on a cruise. Abbey is a cripple requiring crutches to walk.
After returning home, Harry is walking down the street one morning and bumps into Father O'Brien.
Father O'Brien says Hello Harry, how are you and your brother Abbey doing?
Harry says Oh We just got back from a cruise.
Abbey is OK, but he is a cripple you know....
Father O'Brien says Where did you go on your cruise?
Harry says We went to Italy and I took Abbey to see the pope....Abbey is a cripple you know...
This really got the priest's attention and he said; WOW! That is really nice of you Harry....
What happened then?
Harry said:
Well we went to see the Pope and were really lucky to get a pew right up front. After the mass, the Pope came over to ABBEY and asked him to stand.
Well, Abbey stood up and the Pope touched him on the left shoulder and Abbey tossed his left crutch away!!
Father O'Brien was really interested then and said: What happened then?
Harry said: Well, the Pope touched Abbey on the right shoulder and Abbey tossed his right crutch away.....
Father O'Brien says...Yes, yes....what happened then???
Harry says" Well, you know, Abbey fell right on his ass, he's a cripple you know".......


"You can find my Website & Threads here:"
http://www.railroad-line.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=47229

Country: USA | Posts: 12973 Go to Top of Page

Newcastle Kid
Engine Wiper



Posted - 03/28/2013 :  4:08:47 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Cop to the drunk...
"You got any ID?"
Drunk, "'Bout Whut?"


John Kerekes
Graduate, summa cum laude
Armchair Model Railroad Institute

Country: Canada | Posts: 170 Go to Top of Page

Geezer
Engineer

Premium Member


Posted - 03/28/2013 :  5:03:06 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
a LOGGER was felling timber when the axe bounced off the tree
and gave him a pretty good gash on the leg. They rushed him to the
camp doctor for stitches.
When the doc looked at him, he said :Damn man, I bet that hurts like hell....:
The logger said...nah, I had pain 10 times worse than that.....
So when the doc started sewing the guys leg up, he doted that the Logger didnt even flinch.
Doc said again....Man don't those stitches hurt?
The logger said...nah, I had pain 10 times worse than that.....
The doc looked at him and said Where in hell did you ever have pain 10 times worse than this?????
The logger looked at him and said:
One time I was deep in the woods and had to go...so I dropped trousers and backed up
to a tree. I took a dump that triggered a bear trap that slammed shut on my privates.....
The doc said OMG !!! I bet that was really painful...
The logger said...nah, I had pain 10 times worse than that.....
The doc said...and when was that???
The logger said....Ummm....when the chain run out on the bear trap.....;-)


"You can find my Website & Threads here:"
http://www.railroad-line.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=47229

Country: USA | Posts: 12973 Go to Top of Page

dallas_m
Fireman

Premium Member


Posted - 03/29/2013 :  6:54:30 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote


If you don't frequent the On30 section, but enjoy a good laugh ... giddy on down to this "adventure" on Verne Niner's layout:

http://www.railroad-line.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=38740&whichpage=19

Danger: Side-splitting humor!


Cheers,
Dallas

Chambers Gas & Oil -- structure build
Quality craftsmanship with a sense of humor!

Edited by - dallas_m on 03/29/2013 6:55:12 PM

Country: USA | Posts: 4674 Go to Top of Page

mwbpequod
Fireman



Posted - 03/29/2013 :  8:07:35 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Answers to pregnancy and childbirth questions:

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children are enough.

Q: I’m 2 months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?
A: Childbirth

Q: My wife is 5 months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she’s borderline irrational.
A: So, what’s your question?

Q: My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labour, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you’re pregnant.

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labour?
A: Not unless the word “alimony” means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes. Pregnancy.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby’s diaper very quickly.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college


___________________________________________________________________
After the first glass, you see things as you wish they were.
After the second, you see things as they are not.
Finally, you see things as they really are, and that is the most horrible thing in the world.

Country: USA | Posts: 1495 Go to Top of Page

railphotog
Fireman



Posted - 03/29/2013 :  9:18:38 PM  Show Profile  Visit railphotog's Homepage  Reply with Quote





Bob Boudreau





Bob Boudreau
My model railroad photography website:
http://sites.google.com/site/railphotog/

Country: Canada | Posts: 4004 Go to Top of Page

teaspoon
Fireman

Premium Member

Posted - 03/30/2013 :  11:20:39 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote




Country: USA | Posts: 1071 Go to Top of Page
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