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Author Previous Topic: Wilholds Decorators Glue? Topic Next Topic: Thursday morning lounge
Page: of 43

mwbpequod
Fireman



Posted - 02/20/2013 :  08:54:15 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
The old man placed an order for one hamburger, french fries, and a drink.

He unwrapped the plain burger and carefully cut it in half, place one half in front of his wife.

He then carefully counted out the the fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.

He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them.

As he began to eat a few bites of his part of the hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering, thinking, "that poor old couple - all they can afford is the one meal for the two of them".

As the man began to eat his fries, a young man came over to their table and politely offered to buy them another meal.

The old man said that the were just fine and that they were used to sharing everything.

People closer to the table notices that the little old lady was not eating and was just sitting there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.

Again, the young man came over a begged them to let him buy them another meal.

This time the old woman said, "No, thank you. We are used to sharing everything."

Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man came over to the little old lady and asked, "What is it that you are waiting for?"

She answered,















"The teeth!"


___________________________________________________________________
After the first glass, you see things as you wish they were.
After the second, you see things as they are not.
Finally, you see things as they really are, and that is the most horrible thing in the world.

Country: USA | Posts: 1462 Go to Top of Page

Rick
Administrator

Premium Member


Posted - 02/21/2013 :  10:22:50 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Tom Mullica - Smoking Magic - https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=GCm4r0F0tts

As you think, so will you be.

Country: USA | Posts: 21468 Go to Top of Page

Frank Palmer
Fireman



Posted - 02/22/2013 :  10:12:20 AM  Show Profile  Visit Frank Palmer's Homepage  Reply with Quote
Great idea Rick and I'm sure those hedges between your house and the neighbors are very well trimmed.





Edited by - Frank Palmer on 02/22/2013 10:14:11 AM

Country: USA | Posts: 3719 Go to Top of Page

Rick
Administrator

Premium Member


Posted - 02/22/2013 :  3:59:25 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Thanks Frank, glad you like the thread.
I actually ripped all the hedges out.

Departing Space Station Commander Provides Tour of the International Space Station - https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=doN4t5NKW-k#!


As you think, so will you be.

Country: USA | Posts: 21468 Go to Top of Page

Ray Dunakin
Fireman



Posted - 02/23/2013 :  12:57:02 AM  Show Profile  Visit Ray Dunakin's Homepage  Reply with Quote
Need some new tools? Check out this great catalog:









:)



Country: USA | Posts: 3019 Go to Top of Page

mwbpequod
Fireman



Posted - 02/23/2013 :  10:13:06 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Russ and Sam, two friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.

On day Russ didn't show up. Sam didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something.. But after Russ hadn't shown up for a week or so, Sam really got worried.
However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Sam didn't know where Russ lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.

A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Russ, but one day, Sam approached the park and -- lo and behold -- there sat Russ!
Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, 'For crying out loud Russ, what in the world happened to you?'

Russ replied, 'I have been in jail.'

'Jail!' cried Sam. What in the world for?'

'Well,' Russ said, 'you know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?'

'Yeah,' said Sam, 'I remember her. What about her?

'Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I plead 'guilty'.

'The damn judge gave me 30 days for perjury.


___________________________________________________________________
After the first glass, you see things as you wish they were.
After the second, you see things as they are not.
Finally, you see things as they really are, and that is the most horrible thing in the world.

Country: USA | Posts: 1462 Go to Top of Page

Rick
Administrator

Premium Member


Posted - 02/23/2013 :  12:14:54 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
World War II: After the War - http://www.theatlantic.com/infocus/2011/10/world-war-ii-after-the-war/100180/

As you think, so will you be.

Country: USA | Posts: 21468 Go to Top of Page

deemery
Fireman

Premium Member


Posted - 02/23/2013 :  12:35:07 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
I sent the Hazard Fraught catalog pages to my brother the carpenter. Thanks, that was great!

dave



Country: USA | Posts: 6252 Go to Top of Page

teaspoon
Fireman

Premium Member

Posted - 02/23/2013 :  10:05:28 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
A wife goes out for a night on the town with the girls, telling her husband she’ll be home around midnight.

Midnight passes by, drinks are flowing, the girls are laughing and having a great time. At around 2:45 in the morning, drunk as hell, she finally gets a cab and makes her way back home.

She gets to the front door and ever-so-gently nudges it open, not making a sound. She takes her shoes off, again not making a sound. Knowing her husband will give her hell for coming home so late and drunk, she’s quite proud of herself for being so stealthy.

Just then, the cuckoo clock in the hallway goes off, cuckooing 3 times signalling the late hour. Realizing he might wake up, she decides to cuckoo another 9 times. She smiles to herself, proud that she’d come up with such a clever solution on the spot. He’d never know the difference!

That next morning during breakfast the husband looked at his wife, who was obviously hungover, and asked, “So… what time did you get in last night?”

“Oh, right around midnight, just like I said,” she replied. The husband didn’t seem disturbed at all. Her plan had worked!

“Well,” he said, “I think we need a new cuckoo clock.”

“Why do you say that?” she asked.

“Because last night the one we have cuckooed 3 times, then said ‘oh ****,’ cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, then tripped over the coffee table and farted.”



Country: USA | Posts: 1071 Go to Top of Page

Pennman
Fireman

Premium Member


Posted - 02/24/2013 :  12:22:32 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Good one! Steve.
Rich



Country: USA | Posts: 2508 Go to Top of Page

Rick
Administrator

Premium Member


Posted - 02/24/2013 :  9:13:26 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Rare historical photos with descriptions - http://imgur.com/a/zuluz

As you think, so will you be.

Country: USA | Posts: 21468 Go to Top of Page

fireman93514
Crew Chief



Posted - 02/25/2013 :  11:20:13 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Thanks Rick, a nice look back into history.


Country: USA | Posts: 754 Go to Top of Page

mwbpequod
Fireman



Posted - 02/25/2013 :  6:03:12 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Last week, she checked into a motel on her 45th birthday and she was a bit lonely. She thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages."

She looked through the phone book, found a full page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony - a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six pack abs and she felt quite certain she could bounce a silver dollar off his well-oiled bum....

She figured, what the heck, nobody will ever know. I'll give him a call.

"Good evening, ma'am, how may I help you?

Oh my, he sounded sooo sexy!

Afraid she would lose her nerve if she hesitated, she rushed right in, "Hi, I hear you give a great massage. I'd like you to come to my motel room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex.. I want it hot, and I want it now.

Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night - tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything, I'm ready!! Now how does that sound?"

He said; "That sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line."


___________________________________________________________________
After the first glass, you see things as you wish they were.
After the second, you see things as they are not.
Finally, you see things as they really are, and that is the most horrible thing in the world.

Country: USA | Posts: 1462 Go to Top of Page

Rick
Administrator

Premium Member


Posted - 02/26/2013 :  10:30:15 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
This is a real phone message at a high school in Australia.

School Answering Machine - https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Pwghabw4N80


As you think, so will you be.

Country: USA | Posts: 21468 Go to Top of Page

MarkF
Engineer

Premium Member


Posted - 02/26/2013 :  12:03:09 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Rick

This is a real phone message at a high school in Australia.

School Answering Machine - https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Pwghabw4N80



I love it!!!


Mark

Country: USA | Posts: 13187 Go to Top of Page
Page: of 43 Previous Topic: Wilholds Decorators Glue? Topic Next Topic: Thursday morning lounge  
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