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Author Previous Topic: Basswood Corner Posts? Topic Next Topic: Monday morning Lounge 6/5/2017
Page: of 43

deemery
Fireman

Premium Member


Posted - 05/04/2016 :  11:43:59 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Be careful who takes Growacet! We're learning the hard way in the US this stuff might not be good for politicians.

dave


Modeling 1890s (because the voices in my head told me to)

Country: USA | Posts: 6537 Go to Top of Page

teaspoon
Fireman

Premium Member

Posted - 05/04/2016 :  4:13:13 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Some nice train footage with Blues rock great Joe Bonamassa. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUJzBHnD2Ys


Country: USA | Posts: 1073 Go to Top of Page

Ray Dunakin
Fireman



Posted - 05/12/2016 :  12:43:50 AM  Show Profile  Visit Ray Dunakin's Homepage  Reply with Quote
You really have to watch out for those cheapie lube shops:

http://jalopnik.com/lazy-idiots-at-lube-shop-cut-hole-in-audi-s4s-aero-pan-1748394648




Country: USA | Posts: 3092 Go to Top of Page

CieloVistaRy
Fireman



Posted - 05/16/2016 :  6:18:53 PM  Show Profile  Send CieloVistaRy an AOL message  Reply with Quote
Woman 1: Oh! You got a haircut! That’s so cute!
Woman 2: Do you think so? I wasn’t sure when she was gave me the mirror. I mean, you don’t think it’s too fluffy looking?
Woman 1: Oh God no! No, it’s perfect. I’d love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I’m pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.
Woman 2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts – that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.
Woman 1: Oh – that’s funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line.
Woman 2: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms – see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.

Man 1: Haircut?
Man 2: Yeah.


Arthur

http://www.railroad-line.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=40645

Country: USA | Posts: 5831 Go to Top of Page

CieloVistaRy
Fireman



Posted - 05/16/2016 :  6:19:54 PM  Show Profile  Send CieloVistaRy an AOL message  Reply with Quote
An old man went to the Doctor complaining that his wife could barely hear. The Doctor suggested a test to find out the extent of the problem. “Stand far behind her and ask her a question, and then slowly move up and see how far away you are when she first responds.”

The old man excited to finally be working on a solution for the problem, runs home and sees his wife preparing supper.

” Honey” the man asks standing around 20 feet away “whats for supper?”

After receiving no response he tried it again 15 feet away, and again no response. Then again at 10 feet away and again no response. Finally he was 5 feet away: “honey whats for supper?”

“FOR THE FOURTH TIME, IT'S LASAGNA!”



Arthur

http://www.railroad-line.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=40645

Edited by - CieloVistaRy on 05/16/2016 6:21:06 PM

Country: USA | Posts: 5831 Go to Top of Page

Pennman
Fireman

Premium Member


Posted - 05/18/2016 :  1:51:02 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
If it's almost your Birthday, and your wish is for your Honey to buy you that nice train down at the department store, I don't think this would go over too well!




Rich



Country: USA | Posts: 2705 Go to Top of Page

Ray Dunakin
Fireman



Posted - 05/20/2016 :  02:22:45 AM  Show Profile  Visit Ray Dunakin's Homepage  Reply with Quote
If Meat-Eaters Acted Like Vegans:

https://youtu.be/z0O_VYcsIk8




Country: USA | Posts: 3092 Go to Top of Page

mwbpequod
Fireman



Posted - 05/20/2016 :  07:56:21 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Heard at the bar........

"Hey, Buddie. This one's on me. Looks like you really need it. Tell me all about it."

"Yeah, the wife caught me crying in the kitchen and asked what was wrong."

"That doesn't sound too bad. So what happened?"

"I asked if she remembered the first time we meet and the first date we had. She replied, "Yes, darling.""

I asked her if she remembers that time her father caught us in the back seat of his car and how he pointed that shotgun at me and said, "Either you marry my little girl or spend the next 30 years in prison."

"Let me guess..... She replied, "Yes, darling."? So, what's so depressing about that?"

"You know.......I would of just been getting out of prison today."


___________________________________________________________________
After the first glass, you see things as you wish they were.
After the second, you see things as they are not.
Finally, you see things as they really are, and that is the most horrible thing in the world.

Country: USA | Posts: 1559 Go to Top of Page

Norton
Engine Wiper

Posted - 05/22/2016 :  12:59:12 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
A bit long but worth it:

Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman.

The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published.

Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it.
I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years.
You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.
My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, — when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.
From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.
My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.
Be aware that it is an OFFENSE under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.
Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete.
I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.
Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.
In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.
I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service.
As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows:
IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH

#1. To make an appointment to see me

#2. To query a missing payment.

#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.

#4 To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.

#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.

#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required.

Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.
#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through
#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry.

The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.

#10. This is a second reminder to press* for English.

While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year? Your Humble Client And remember: Don't make old people mad. We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to p**s us off.


The V & T lives in my garage. Soon...

Norton

Country: USA | Posts: 148 Go to Top of Page

anubis51
Fireman



Posted - 05/22/2016 :  5:14:00 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Norton,

I LOVE it!!!!

If Only!!!!!



John



Time is the Gauge of Existence

Country: Australia | Posts: 1320 Go to Top of Page

Frank Palmer
Fireman



Posted - 05/22/2016 :  8:01:30 PM  Show Profile  Visit Frank Palmer's Homepage  Reply with Quote
quote:
Originally posted by anubis51

Norton,

I LOVE it!!!!
If Only!!!!!



DITTO



Country: USA | Posts: 4073 Go to Top of Page

mwbpequod
Fireman



Posted - 01/17/2017 :  10:12:12 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
A young jockey and his girlfriend make the decision to get married.

Everything is planned and the couple intend to honeymoon in Italy for a week.

The marriage goes off without a hitch and the couple set off on their honeymoon.

While checking in at the hotel, the lady behind the desk asks, "We have two suites available for you. Would you like the Bridal?"

The young jockey relies, "No, thanks. I'll just hold her ears until she gets the hand of it."


___________________________________________________________________
After the first glass, you see things as you wish they were.
After the second, you see things as they are not.
Finally, you see things as they really are, and that is the most horrible thing in the world.

Country: USA | Posts: 1559 Go to Top of Page

railphotog
Fireman



Posted - 01/17/2017 :  10:50:29 AM  Show Profile  Visit railphotog's Homepage  Reply with Quote







Bob Boudreau
My model railroad photography website:
http://sites.google.com/site/railphotog/

Country: Canada | Posts: 4022 Go to Top of Page

Ray Dunakin
Fireman



Posted - 01/17/2017 :  11:14:34 PM  Show Profile  Visit Ray Dunakin's Homepage  Reply with Quote
LOL!


Country: USA | Posts: 3092 Go to Top of Page

MarkF
Engineer

Premium Member


Posted - 01/18/2017 :  12:05:39 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Its good to see this thread, and it's contents, pop up again! Lord knows we need laughs these days!

Mark

Country: USA | Posts: 13515 Go to Top of Page
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