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Author Previous Topic: Wilholds Decorators Glue? Topic Next Topic: Thursday morning lounge
Page: of 43

Norton
Engine Wiper

Posted - 02/06/2015 :  01:05:58 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
What do you call it when you blow in a blonde's ear?

A refill...


The V & T lives in my garage. Soon...

Norton

Country: USA | Posts: 135 Go to Top of Page

Rick
Administrator

Premium Member


Posted - 02/06/2015 :  3:34:40 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Doug Smith is on his deathbed and knows the end is near.
His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him.
He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes,
and when all is ready he begins to speak:
My son, "Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses."
My daughter "Sybil, you take the apartments over in the east end."
My son, "Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the City Centre."
"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the banks of the river."

The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings, and as
Doug slips away, the nurse says,
"Mrs. Smith, your husband must have b een such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property".
Sarah replies, "Property ? .... the idiot had a paper route.


As you think, so will you be.

Country: USA | Posts: 21468 Go to Top of Page

CieloVistaRy
Fireman



Posted - 02/12/2015 :  11:23:58 PM  Show Profile  Send CieloVistaRy an AOL message  Reply with Quote

Fact 1: You are reading this.
Fact 2: You can't say the letter 'm' without touching your lips.
Fact 3: You just tried it.
Fact 4: You're smiling.
Fact 6: You're smiling or laughing again.
Fact 7: You didn't notice I missed fact 5.
Fact 8: You just checked it.
Fact 9: You're smiling again.
Fact 10: You like this post. :)


Arthur

http://www.railroad-line.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=40645

Country: USA | Posts: 5831 Go to Top of Page

Ray Dunakin
Fireman



Posted - 02/13/2015 :  01:00:33 AM  Show Profile  Visit Ray Dunakin's Homepage  Reply with Quote
Vladimir Putin arrives at an airport, gets in line at customs desk.

Customs officer: "Occupation?"

Putin: "No, just visiting."



Country: USA | Posts: 3019 Go to Top of Page

CieloVistaRy
Fireman



Posted - 02/13/2015 :  5:02:32 PM  Show Profile  Send CieloVistaRy an AOL message  Reply with Quote
That's a good one, Ray!

Arthur

http://www.railroad-line.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=40645

Country: USA | Posts: 5831 Go to Top of Page

teaspoon
Fireman

Premium Member

Posted - 02/14/2015 :  9:34:12 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote



Country: USA | Posts: 1071 Go to Top of Page

Ray Dunakin
Fireman



Posted - 02/14/2015 :  10:13:45 PM  Show Profile  Visit Ray Dunakin's Homepage  Reply with Quote
Now that's a movie I would go see!



Country: USA | Posts: 3019 Go to Top of Page

Rick
Administrator

Premium Member


Posted - 02/15/2015 :  2:57:46 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
A bakery owner hires a young female shop assistant who liked to wear very short skirts and thong panties.

One day a young man enter the store, glances at the shop assistant and at the loaves of bread behind the counter.

Noticing her short skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea.

"I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says.

The shop assistant nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread located on the very top shelf.

The man standing almost directly beneath her is provided with an excellent view, just as he thought.

When she descends the ladder, he decides that he had better get two loaves.

As the shop assistant retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what's going on and
requests his own loaf of raisin bread.

After many trips she is tired and irritated and begins to wonder, "Why the unusual interest in the raisin bread?"

Atop the ladder one more time, she looks down and glares at the men standing below.

Then she notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd.

Thinking that she can save herself another trip, she yells at the elderly man, "Is it raisin for you too?"

"No," he stammers, "But it's quivering' a little."


As you think, so will you be.

Country: USA | Posts: 21468 Go to Top of Page

MarkF
Engineer

Premium Member


Posted - 02/28/2015 :  12:51:16 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
The 5 surgeons!

Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon, from Toronto, says "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second, from Montreal, responds "Yeah, but you should try electricians. Everything inside them is colour coded."

The third surgeon, from Vancouver says "No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon, from Winnipeg chimes in "You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over."

But the fifth surgeon, from Australia shut them all up when he observed "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine. Plus, the head and the ass are interchangeable."


Mark

Country: USA | Posts: 13178 Go to Top of Page

anubis51
Fireman



Posted - 02/28/2015 :  01:30:29 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Ya got that one right, Mark mate!!

John in Oz.



Time is the Gauge of Existence

Country: Australia | Posts: 1305 Go to Top of Page

Rick
Administrator

Premium Member


Posted - 02/28/2015 :  6:39:58 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Inside The Army’s Spectacular Hidden Treasure Room - http://www.buzzfeed.com/bennyjohnson/inside-the-armys-spectacular-hidden-treasure-room#.acR4kGeOM

As you think, so will you be.

Country: USA | Posts: 21468 Go to Top of Page

Geezer
Engineer

Premium Member


Posted - 03/01/2015 :  11:54:19 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Rick

Inside The Army’s Spectacular Hidden Treasure Room - http://www.buzzfeed.com/bennyjohnson/inside-the-armys-spectacular-hidden-treasure-room#.acR4kGeOM



Really neat - Thanks Rick!!


"You can find my Website & Threads here:"
http://www.railroad-line.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=47229

Country: USA | Posts: 12973 Go to Top of Page

teaspoon
Fireman

Premium Member

Posted - 03/04/2015 :  7:57:42 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote





Country: USA | Posts: 1071 Go to Top of Page

Rick
Administrator

Premium Member


Posted - 03/31/2015 :  3:32:39 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'prejudice' these days................

I asked a clerk the other day, "In what aisle can I find the Polish sausage?"

The clerk said, "Are you Polish?"

I was very offended and responded, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog, would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican? Or if I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?"

The clerk said, "No, I probably wouldn't."

I replied, "Well then, because I asked for Polish sausage, why did you ask me if I'm Polish?"

The clerk replied, "Because you're in Home Depot."


As you think, so will you be.

Country: USA | Posts: 21468 Go to Top of Page

snarlman
Fireman



Posted - 04/10/2015 :  9:15:30 PM  Show Profile  Send snarlman an AOL message  Reply with Quote
"Lexophile" is a word used to describe those that have a love for words,
such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish", or "to write
with a broken pencil is pointless." A competition to see who can come up
with the best lexophiles is held every year. This year's winning
submissions

... When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

.. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

.. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.

.. The batteries were given out free of charge.

.. A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

.. A will is a dead giveaway.

.. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

.. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

.. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

.. Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was
resisting a rest.

.. Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off?
He's all right now.

.. A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.

. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

.. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

.. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

. When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye.

.. Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.

And the cream of the twisted crop:

.. Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the
end.


~Jeff

Country: USA | Posts: 1442 Go to Top of Page
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