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Ray Dunakin
Fireman



Posted - 07/25/2014 :  12:39:50 AM  Show Profile  Visit Ray Dunakin's Homepage  Reply with Quote
LOL!

And still more elderly humor...

Three elderly sisters shared a home together. One evening the oldest of them was taking a bath. As she was stepping out of the tub, she paused for a moment, then hollered to her sisters, "Was I getting into the tub, or getting out of it?"

The two older sisters are seated at the table downstairs. The middle sister says, "I'll go help her." Halfway up the stairs, she stops and calls down to the youngest sister, "What was I coming up here for?"

The oldest sister shakes her head, and raps her knuckles on the table as she says, "You two are getting so forgetful! I'm glad my mind is still sharp, knock on wood! Just hold on and I'll come up and get you both sorted out, as soon as I see who's at the door!"








Country: USA | Posts: 3065 Go to Top of Page

deemery
Fireman

Premium Member


Posted - 07/25/2014 :  08:22:27 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
True story: My mother-in-law and 2 of her sisters came to visit us in Vancouver. You haven't lived until you've had 3 old ladies hold a slumber party in your house! At 4:00 AM we heard noise and then the shower. Turns out two of them convinced the third it was time to get up and she had to shower first...

We took the ferry over to Victoria. These ladies were like toddlers, if you don't watch them carefully, they'll run off in all directions. When it was time to catch the bus to the ferry, it was like herding cats! For some reason, they didn't quite understand that, if we missed the bus, we missed the ferry. If we missed the ferry, we would be stuck on Vancouver Island for the night.

dave


Modeling 1890s (because the voices in my head told me to)

Country: USA | Posts: 6493 Go to Top of Page

Stoker
Engine Wiper

Posted - 07/25/2014 :  08:31:48 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Here is another memory related joke that I have known for, well, as long as I can remember.

A couple of trendy yah-hoo tourists pull into an old gas station in Shiprock, NM in the mid 80's. They see a very old Indian sitting in a chair outside in the shade who has a sign saying " Test my memory. I can recall every detail of any day of my life for $5 per question". The couple look at each other and say quietly " Well, at least the old man has dignity and is offering something instead of simply begging, let's give him $5" The couple walks up to him, and jokingly say "How". The old Indian barely cracks an eyelid to look at them and simply grunts a little and continues sleeping. The man then says "We would like to test your memory, sir. Here is $5" and hands the old man a fin. The old Indian instantly becomes alert and says "Well, thank you. I was born at 8 A.M. on September 15, 1921. It was rainy until about noon, and then cleared up nicely after that. There was a beautiful sunset full of the glory of the great creator that evening. That bit was free. Please ask any question about any day of my life now." The Yah-hoos giggle and look at each other and the man says "What did you have for breakfast on December 13, 1938, and , (winking to his girlfriend as he slips in another question for free on the old man) "What was the weather like that day?". The old Indian thinks for a moment and says " Ah, yes. That was a glorious day, I remember it well for it was the day I was to prove myself a man. I had a large breakfast of eggs, bacon, hashbrowns, and coffee. There was a terrible winter storm raging that day that trapped many of our cattle in the fields and we had our work cut out for us to rescue them before they froze. I rescued many cattle that day, and this was the day my father proclaimed me to be a man for my bravery" The couple look at each other and smirk, walking away without even saying goodbye to the old Indian while giggling about how the old beggar had a pretty good spiel, he could make up whatever he wanted about his past. 30 something years later, the couple having been long married, and were off on their first trip together since sending the last of there children off to college. As they pulled into Shiprock again after so many years, they were shocked to see the same old Indian still sleeping in the exact same chair under the same tree as he had been so many years ago. He even had the same sign about answering questions for $5. Astounded, they argue about whether it was 1983 or 1984 that they had been here last. The now middle aged couple walk up to the man and again mockingly say "How". The old Indian perks up immediately and says " Scrambled! And, the bacon was slightly burned, the hasbrowns not quite done, and the coffee was cold. Also, I rescued the cattle on a horse! That will be $25, plus the $5 you still owe me for the second question you asked me on July 21, 1983 ! That last answer I will throw in for free"

A bit of a different spin than the past couple of old jokes...


Amongst the Sagauros

Edited by - Stoker on 07/25/2014 08:57:20 AM

Country: USA | Posts: 127 Go to Top of Page

Rick
Administrator

Premium Member


Posted - 08/08/2014 :  09:22:43 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
On his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his girlfriend. The certificate was for consultation with an Indian medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction! The man went to the reservation and saw the medicine man.

The old Indian gave him a potion and with a grip on his shoulder warned, 'This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say '1-2-3.' When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform for as long as you want."

The man thanked the old Indian and as he walked away, he turned and asked, "How do I stop the medicine from working?" "Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,' he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."

He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his girlfriend to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!"

Immediately, he was the manliest of men. His girlfriend was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and then she asked, "What was the 1-2-3 for?"

And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.


As you think, so will you be.

Country: USA | Posts: 21490 Go to Top of Page

fireman93514
Crew Chief



Posted - 08/08/2014 :  11:12:26 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Rick I love that one. I told my kids for years not to end a sentence with a preposition.


Country: USA | Posts: 806 Go to Top of Page

quartergauger48
Fireman

Premium Member


Posted - 08/08/2014 :  11:10:02 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
All pretty good jokes...keep em coming!!!


Ted

Country: USA | Posts: 4876 Go to Top of Page

R.BOUDREAUX
Fireman



Posted - 08/13/2014 :  10:15:31 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Why Parents Drink

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent but had not phoned in sick.

So he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. "Hello?"

"Is your daddy home?"

A small voice whispered, "Yes - he's out in the garden."

"May I talk with him?"

The child whispered, "No"

So the boss asked, "Well - is your Mommy there?"

"Yes she's out in the garden too."

The boss asked, "May I talk with her?"

Again the answer was "No".

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"


"Yes", whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home - the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No -- he's busy," whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the police dog men."

Growing more worried - he heard a very loud noise in the background. The boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"It's a helicopter," answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" demanded the boss -- now truly apprehensive.

"The search team just landed a helicopter."

"A search team?" said the boss. "What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle -- "ME!!"


I thought this was very cute.

Rich




Country: USA | Posts: 1589 Go to Top of Page

Rick
Administrator

Premium Member


Posted - 08/15/2014 :  06:56:20 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
28 breathtaking photos of lighthouses that have stood the test of time - http://www.boredpanda.com/lighthouse-photography/

As you think, so will you be.

Country: USA | Posts: 21490 Go to Top of Page

Rick
Administrator

Premium Member


Posted - 08/26/2014 :  8:17:02 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Always There


The woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.


One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. And you know what?"


"What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.


"I think you're bad luck."


As you think, so will you be.

Country: USA | Posts: 21490 Go to Top of Page

quartergauger48
Fireman

Premium Member


Posted - 08/26/2014 :  8:38:48 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Some really far out light houses...Can you imagine
being stuck in that frozen lake Michigan one...
Yikes!!!



Ted

Country: USA | Posts: 4876 Go to Top of Page

quartergauger48
Fireman

Premium Member


Posted - 09/03/2014 :  10:35:53 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
50 Shades of Golf


Four guys have been going to the same Golfing trip to St Andrews for many
years. Two days before the group is to leave, Jack's wife puts her foot down
and tells him he isn't going and that she's got something else planned.

Naturally, Jack's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they
do.

Two days later, the three get to St Andrews only to find Jack sitting at the
bar with four drinks set up!

"Wow, Jack, how long you been here, and how did you talk your missus into
letting you go?"

"Well, actually, I've been here since last night..

Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my living room chair and my wife came up
behind me and put her hands over my eyes and asked, 'Guess who?" I pulled
her hands off, and there she was, wearing only a see-through nightie.

She took my hand and pulled me into our bedroom. On her bedside table I saw
the book '50 Shades of Grey'. She had lit candles and sprinkled rose petals
around and on the bed she had handcuffs and ropes! Then she slipped off her
nightie, laid on the bed and said, "Okay tie me up, hand-cuff me to the bed,
and do whatever you want."

So, Here I am!







Ted

Country: USA | Posts: 4876 Go to Top of Page

fireman93514
Crew Chief



Posted - 09/04/2014 :  10:33:49 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Wow those lighthouse pictures are amazing. I Hope some of those photographers were using long telephotos.


Country: USA | Posts: 806 Go to Top of Page

railphotog
Fireman



Posted - 09/04/2014 :  12:48:00 PM  Show Profile  Visit railphotog's Homepage  Reply with Quote









Bob Boudreau
My model railroad photography website:
http://sites.google.com/site/railphotog/

Country: Canada | Posts: 4019 Go to Top of Page

Rick
Administrator

Premium Member


Posted - 09/10/2014 :  6:44:54 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
You're just going to have to trust me, watch this - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SleYHOcLjOg

As you think, so will you be.

Country: USA | Posts: 21490 Go to Top of Page

deemery
Fireman

Premium Member


Posted - 09/10/2014 :  7:08:16 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
No one ever said dogs have perfect pitch...

dave


Modeling 1890s (because the voices in my head told me to)

Country: USA | Posts: 6493 Go to Top of Page
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