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Author Previous Topic: Wilholds Decorators Glue? Topic Next Topic: Thursday morning lounge
Page: of 43

k9wrangler
Fireman



Posted - 04/12/2014 :  09:34:11 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Dave, the widgets are like flu shots, everyone HAS to have one.


Country: USA | Posts: 8424 Go to Top of Page

jaynjay
Fireman

Premium Member


Posted - 04/12/2014 :  3:28:56 PM  Show Profile  Visit jaynjay's Homepage  Reply with Quote

An old man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the movie theater.

When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the old man, "Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one seat."

The old man didn't budge. The usher became more impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager."

Once again, the old man just muttered and did nothing.


The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the old disheveled man, but with no success. Finally they summoned the police.

The officer surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy what's your name?"

"Fred," the old man moaned.

"Where ya from, Fred?" asked the police officer.

With a terrible grunt in his voice, and without moving, Fred replied...


... "The balcony."



Country: USA | Posts: 5514 Go to Top of Page

nhguy
Fireman



Posted - 04/15/2014 :  11:56:42 AM  Show Profile  Visit nhguy's Homepage  Send nhguy a Yahoo! Message  Reply with Quote

A North Dakota farmer named Sven had a car accident. He was hit by a truck owned by the Ajax Company.

In court, the Ajax Company's hot shot attorney questioned him thus: "Didn't you say to the state trooper at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?"

Sven responded: "Vell, I'lla tell you vat happened dere. I'd yust loaded my fav'rit cow, Bessie, into da..."

..."I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?"

Sven said, "Vell, I'd yust got Bessie into da trailer and I vas drivin' down da road..."

The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Your Honor, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now, several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Sven's answer and said to the attorney: "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite cow, Bessie."

Sven said: "Tank you," and proceeded. "Vell as I vas saying, I had yust loaded Bessie, my fav'rit cow, into de trailer and was drivin' her down de road vin dis huge Ajax truck and trailer came tundering tru a stop sign and hit me trailer right in da side by golly. I was trown into one ditch and Bessie was trown into da udder ditch.


"By yimminy yahosaphat, I vas hurt purty durn bad, and didn't want to move. An even vurse dan dat, I could hear old Bessie a moanin' and a groanin'. I knew she vas in terrible pain yust by her groans.

"Shortly after da accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie a moanin' and a groanin' too, so he vent over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her right between the eyes.

"Den da policeman came across de road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, 'How are you feelin?'


"Now wot da hell vud you say?"


Bill Shanaman
New Haven RR
Hartford Division
in Colorado.

Country: USA | Posts: 4763 Go to Top of Page

Ray Dunakin
Fireman



Posted - 04/16/2014 :  02:06:13 AM  Show Profile  Visit Ray Dunakin's Homepage  Reply with Quote
LOL! Good one!



Country: USA | Posts: 3010 Go to Top of Page

Dennis R
Engine Wiper

Posted - 04/16/2014 :  08:07:03 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
A blonde gets stopped for speeding by a blonde female state trooper. The trooper walks up to the car and asks the blonde for her license.

The blonde replays - "I don't even know what that is, what does it look like?"

The trooper says to her it is about the size of a credit card and it has your picture on it.

The blonde starts rummaging through her pocket book and the only thing she finds is her makeup mirror.

She looks into the mirror and says to herself this must be it. She hands the mirror to the trooper.

The trooper looks at it and says - you are free to go, why didn't you tell me you were a trooper too.


Dennis

Country: USA | Posts: 107 Go to Top of Page

railphotog
Fireman



Posted - 04/16/2014 :  08:45:53 AM  Show Profile  Visit railphotog's Homepage  Reply with Quote












Bob Boudreau
My model railroad photography website:
http://sites.google.com/site/railphotog/

Country: Canada | Posts: 3980 Go to Top of Page

Rick
Administrator

Premium Member


Posted - 04/16/2014 :  2:09:19 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Hilarious SWA Flight attendant - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=07LFBydGjaM

As you think, so will you be.

Country: USA | Posts: 21454 Go to Top of Page

nhguy
Fireman



Posted - 04/17/2014 :  11:58:33 AM  Show Profile  Visit nhguy's Homepage  Send nhguy a Yahoo! Message  Reply with Quote
A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit
jump out across the middle of the road.
He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the
rabbit jumps right in front of the car.

The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal
lover, pulls over and gets out to see
what has become of the rabbit.
Much to his dismay, the rabbit is
the Easter Bunny, and he is DEAD .

The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.
A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway
sees a man crying on the side of the road
and pulls over.

She steps out of the car and asks the man
what's wrong.

"I feel terrible," ! he explains,
"I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny with my car and KILLED HIM."

The blonde says,"Don't worry."

She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can.
She walks over to the limp, dead Easter Bunny,
bends down, and sprays the contents onto him.

The Easter Bunny jumps up, waves its paw at the
two of them and hops off down the road.

Ten feet away he stops, turns around and waves
again, he hops down the road another 10 feet,
turns and waves, hops another ten feet,
turns and waves, and repeats this again and again
and again and again, until he hops out of sight.

The man is astonished.
He runs over to the woman and demands,

"What is in that can?
What did you spray on the Easter Bunny ?"

The woman turns the can around
so that the man can read the label.
It says..

"Hair Spray
Restores life to dead hair,
and adds permanent wave."

Happy Easter!! !




Bill Shanaman
New Haven RR
Hartford Division
in Colorado.

Country: USA | Posts: 4763 Go to Top of Page

R.BOUDREAUX
Fireman



Posted - 04/18/2014 :  10:10:27 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
quote:
Originally posted by nhguy

A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit
jump out across the middle of the road.
He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the
rabbit jumps right in front of the car.

The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal
lover, pulls over and gets out to see
what has become of the rabbit.
Much to his dismay, the rabbit is
the Easter Bunny, and he is DEAD .

The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.
A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway
sees a man crying on the side of the road
and pulls over.

She steps out of the car and asks the man
what's wrong.

"I feel terrible," ! he explains,
"I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny with my car and KILLED HIM."

The blonde says,"Don't worry."

She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can.
She walks over to the limp, dead Easter Bunny,
bends down, and sprays the contents onto him.

The Easter Bunny jumps up, waves its paw at the
two of them and hops off down the road.

Ten feet away he stops, turns around and waves
again, he hops down the road another 10 feet,
turns and waves, hops another ten feet,
turns and waves, and repeats this again and again
and again and again, until he hops out of sight.

The man is astonished.
He runs over to the woman and demands,

"What is in that can?
What did you spray on the Easter Bunny ?"

The woman turns the can around
so that the man can read the label.
It says..

"Hair Spray
Restores life to dead hair,
and adds permanent wave."

Happy Easter!! !






Bill,

We are getting close to the bottom of the barrel.

Rich



Country: USA | Posts: 1573 Go to Top of Page

railphotog
Fireman



Posted - 04/18/2014 :  3:32:34 PM  Show Profile  Visit railphotog's Homepage  Reply with Quote












Bob Boudreau
My model railroad photography website:
http://sites.google.com/site/railphotog/

Country: Canada | Posts: 3980 Go to Top of Page

Ray Dunakin
Fireman



Posted - 04/19/2014 :  12:39:25 AM  Show Profile  Visit Ray Dunakin's Homepage  Reply with Quote
LOL!!!


Country: USA | Posts: 3010 Go to Top of Page

Rick
Administrator

Premium Member


Posted - 04/24/2014 :  01:49:22 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
First person view of Blue Angels practice - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eyk-XHuOyBM

As you think, so will you be.

Country: USA | Posts: 21454 Go to Top of Page

k9wrangler
Fireman



Posted - 04/24/2014 :  09:55:05 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
10 more minutes of Blue Angels: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nM_ZB7jqxz8




Country: USA | Posts: 8424 Go to Top of Page

mabloodhound
Fireman



Posted - 05/01/2014 :  11:28:21 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote

It was Saturday morning as Jake, an avid hunter, woke up raring to go bag the first
deer of the season.

He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Erin, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage.

Jake asks her, "What are you up to?"

Erin smiles, "I'm going hunting with you! The kids are with their granddad."

Jake, though he had many reservations about this, reluctantly decides to take her along.

Three hours later they arrive at a game preserve just outside of Malta,
Montana and Jake sets his lovely wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her, "If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot."

Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Erin couldn't bag
an elephant - much less a deer.

Not 10 minutes pass when Jake is startled as he hears an array of gunshots.

Quickly, he starts running back. and as he gets closer to her stand,he hears Erin screaming, "Get away from my deer!"

Confused and frightened, Jake races faster towards his screaming wife.

And again he hears her yell, "Get away from my deer!" followed by another volley of gunfire! Now within sight of where he had left his wife,
Jake is surprised to see a Montana game warden with his hands high in the air.

The game warden, obviously distraught, yelled, "Okay, lady! You can have your deer! Just let me get my saddle off it!"





Dave Mason
D&G RR (Dunstead & Granford) in On30
“Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety.”~Benjamin Franklin
The 2nd Amendment, America’s 1st Homeland Security

Country: USA | Posts: 6539 Go to Top of Page

mwbpequod
Fireman



Posted - 05/02/2014 :  08:44:38 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
An Irishman is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptising people in the river.

He proceeds into the water, subsequently bumping into the preacher.

The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"

The drunk shouts, "Yes, oi am."

So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water.

He pulls him back and asks, "Brother, have you found Jesus?"

The drunk replies, "No, oi haven't found Jesus!"

The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him again, but for a little longer.

He again pulls him out of the water & asks, "Have you found Jesus me brother?"

The drunk answers, "No, oi haven't found Jesus!"

By this time the preacher is at his wits end & dunks the drunk again -- but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds, and when he begins kicking his arms & legs about, he pulls him up.

The preacher again asks the drunk........"For the love of God, have you found Jesus?"

The drunk staggers upright, wipes his eyes, coughs up a bit of water, catches his breath and says to the preacher…

"Are you sure this is where he fell in?"



___________________________________________________________________
After the first glass, you see things as you wish they were.
After the second, you see things as they are not.
Finally, you see things as they really are, and that is the most horrible thing in the world.

Country: USA | Posts: 1446 Go to Top of Page
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