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T O P I C    R E V I E W
Rick Posted - 10/01/2012 : 10:29:01 AM
I'm starting this new thread as a place to post jokes, videos, pictures and just about any other off topic thing you want to put here.
Two reasons for doing this.
One, it helps cut down on the number of threads in the Lounge.
Second, it makes finding videos, pictures or jokes that were posted in the past easier to find.
I've tried finding things that were posted and wanted to see again but sometimes I just couldn't find it.


I hope everyone enjoys this thread and even contributes to it from time to time.
15   L A T E S T    R E P L I E S    (Newest First)
Rick Posted - 11/26/2020 : 07:11:46 AM
Happy Thanksgiving!
I will always be grateful to Joe for keeping this forum up and running for us.
Also very grateful for all the friends I've made here throughout the years.

nortonw Posted - 11/19/2020 : 12:54:29 PM
I'm sure some of these are familiar to some of you but this list showed up in my FB feed and I had to share.

My wife and I went through the McDonald's driveway window and I gave the cashier a $5 bill.
Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her 25c.
She said, 'you gave me too much money.'
I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar back.'
She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.
I did so, and he handed me back the 25c, and said 'We're sorry but we don’t do that kind of thing.'
The cashier then proceeded to give me back 75 cents in change.
Do not confuse the people at MacD's.

We had to have the garage door repaired.
The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
He shook his head and said, 'You need a 1/4 horsepower.'
I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, 'NOOO, it's not. Four is larger than two.'
We haven't used that repairman since...

I live in a semi-rural area.
We recently had a new neighbor call the local city council office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many deers are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'

Idiot sighting in food service
My daughter went to a Mexican fast food and ordered a taco.
She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,
'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'

The pedestrian light on the corner beeps when it's safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an 'intellectually challenged' co-worker of mine.
She asked if I knew what the beeper was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, 'what on earth are blind people doing driving?!'
She is a government employee.....

When my wife and I arrived at a car dealership to pick up our car after a service, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
‘Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!'
His reply, 'I know. I already did that side.'

Rick Posted - 11/18/2020 : 09:11:00 AM
quote:
Originally posted by George D

quote:
Originally posted by Rick

quote:
Originally posted by Tyson Rayles

"the last thing you do at night" ?



Lay down???

Anyway, two thumbs UP for that one George.



U P You Pee.



Unfortunately true.
George D Posted - 11/18/2020 : 09:05:17 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Rick

quote:
Originally posted by Tyson Rayles

"the last thing you do at night" ?



Lay down???

Anyway, two thumbs UP for that one George.



U P You Pee.
Rick Posted - 11/18/2020 : 08:53:28 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Tyson Rayles

"the last thing you do at night" ?



Lay down???

Anyway, two thumbs UP for that one George.
Tyson Rayles Posted - 11/18/2020 : 08:31:25 AM
"the last thing you do at night" ?
k9wrangler Posted - 11/17/2020 : 5:37:57 PM
You left out, the UP is a great place to live.
George D Posted - 11/17/2020 : 1:52:23 PM
This two-letter word in English has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that word is UP. It is listed in the dictionary as an [adv], [prep], [adj], [n] or .

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?

At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP, and why are the officers UP for election (if there is a tie, it is a toss UP) and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends, brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and fix UP the old car.

At other times, this little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.

To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is blocked UP..

We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look UP the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1 /4 of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with (UP to) a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out, we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it soaks UP the earth. When it does not rain for awhile, things dry UP. One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now . . . My time is UP!

Oh . . . One more thing: What is the first thing you do in the morning and the last thing you do at night?

Did that one crack you UP?
Rick Posted - 11/17/2020 : 10:13:01 AM
Ray Dunakin Posted - 10/17/2020 : 12:04:10 AM
LOL! That's a good one!
Rick Posted - 10/16/2020 : 8:07:39 PM
A farmer named Clyde had a tractor accident. In court, the trucking company's fancy hot shot lawyer, was questioning Clyde. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'?" asked the lawyer.
Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite cow, Bessie, into the..."
"I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question, ...please. Did you, or did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?"
Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer behind the tractor and I was driving down the road...."
The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Your Honor, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."
By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite cow, Bessie".
Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded. "Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite cow, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my John Deer Tractor right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.
Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning, so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her fatal condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, "How are you feeling?"
"Now tell me, what the heck would you say?"
Ray Dunakin Posted - 10/14/2020 : 11:19:20 PM
They finally found a cure for the Invisible Man. They took him to the ICU.
Philip Posted - 10/14/2020 : 9:41:14 PM
Joke of the day. 2020
Tyson Rayles Posted - 10/14/2020 : 3:18:35 PM
Thanks
deemery Posted - 10/14/2020 : 08:56:26 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Tyson Rayles

???



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2o4zxtqNZ4

dave

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